iNTROSPECTIVE…

We gave our seniors a farewell today. Last day of college for them officially. They were sharing their memories when a thought passed my mind. How will it feel to leave a place where you have been for a whole four years… just leaving it behind. A bundle of memories which had been tied and put somewhere in a corner of my mind just tumbled out open in front of me. And I could do nothing but stare and think.

I’ve faced 2 farewells till now. 10^th standard and 12^th standard. The farewell party is a blur, but the life I’ve lived stays fresh in my memories. It’s been so strange; I can’t even imagine that it’s been me all along. I’ve made friends, made enemies, acquaintances, but after leaving school, I greet all of them when I see anyone crossing my path. Life was so much simpler when we were younger. Never had to think so much.

High school was very smooth. Didn’t make any very good friends, and no enemies… everything went smoothly. Higher secondary was a slightly bumpy ride, like driving on a village road not repaired in 8 years. I have no regrets about the way life has been, but there still are things I wish I could change. But then I guess it wouldn’t be me.

College life has taught me a lot so far. There have been many “First time” things. My first true fight, first true crush, first (and only) relationship and the first time I have intentionally hurt some people (Yes, it was the first (and only) time). I don’t feel great about it, but I did what I had to. Sometimes I really wish there should be a remote control with “UNDO”, “REDO”, “DELETE”, “RESTORE” and “RESET” on it. There are so many things I’d like to make right. But then I guess I’d lose control over MYSELF while controlling my life.

I’ve played Mr. Nice Guy, my entire life. I have been that way. Not just to my friends, but also to all my other acquaintances, and everyone around. And I’ve never let my ego come anywhere between me and my friends. But now I realize, just because I’ve friendly and helpful and generally available, I’m taken for granted. Now, that hurts. I don’t understand how people equate the statements, “I CARE!” and “YOU ARE ALLOWED TO USE ME!”. I tried changing, but it doesn’t work with me. I like me as I am. I don’t wanna change.

I don’t even remember the beginning of this year, and the year has ended. Another year and we’ll be out of here. Leaving everything behind, starting a new chapter of life. When I was passing out of 12^th standard, I thought I had seen life, but after coming here, I am seeing more of it. I guess there is a lot more to learn. I guess I’m still growing up. After all…

I’M JUST A KID!!!